Two things. A conclusion that I've most recently drawn is that there is no such thing as an unpleasant Canadian. I've been racking my brains, trying for the life of me to prove this statement wrong. I can think of no one. And Tom Green doesn't count...is he really even from this planet? At any rate, all of my personal dealings with the maple leafians lead me to think that perhaps life would be a little friendlier and happier in the land of hockey, hearty home cooked meals, and pieces of money called "looneys" and "tooneys". ...I wonder if I have spent far too much of my life here in this hard-hearted country to be transplanted into the nation of pleasantness? Would I begin sowing the seeds of American selfishness amongst the wholesome soils of kanuk-land? I think I might just like to find out. O Canada! (here I come)

Next. The other day I caught ahold of an older edition of the tri-monthly publication known as People magazine. My attention was captured by the alluring cover story headline: "The Richest Children in the World". And also by the cover photo of Mary Kate and Ashley Olson dressed to the nines (how old are those girls anyhow? twelve?). I confess that I didn't really read the cover story, just looked at the pictures and read the captions. (hey, man. I'm an artist. Pictures mean more thans words.) But that was quite enough. These kids are so unimaginably filthy rich. There was one girl from Europe who was in line to inherit 800 million dollars. And an island. Another one, worth 300 million. The Olson twins are almost destitute in comparison--they only own 76 million. I was shell-shocked. Awe struck. And then I began thinking... These children would definitely not miss a mere million dollars out of their little Swiss piggy banks. It would be nothing if they were suddenly worth 799 million instead of 800 million. When you have that much, what difference does one million make? So, what would it hurt one of them to give our family just a bit 'o their fortunes? Honestly. They wouldn't even notice, but it would make a world of a difference to us. We would put it to the greatest of uses. Meaning, bills would be paid and our time would be freed up to really do something. I don't know what it would be exactly, but it would be huge. All we have to do is befriend one of these wealthy families. They would like us. Why not?

J-fo

p.s. I think T-fry is right. Today I am feeling very fortunate that I am not Michael Jackson. --j