Hmph.

Guess I have to pick up all the slack around here. T & J, would it kill you to write an entry every now and then?

I've been meaning to write for a while, but I was waiting for something funny to happen to me. Or something interesting. Or supernatural. But no, nothing like that has happened, and further I haven't even been feeling a surplus of hatred toward anything that serve as a catalyst for writing a 'Top Five,' so that brings me to: THE SECOND CONSECUTIVE ENTRY ABOUT MY DOG.

I'm sorry it's come to this. I truly am. I hate it when people can only talk about their animals. (Double-hate for people who refer to them as 'fur babies'--that's just wretched and makes me want to bathe. Immediately.) But Foxy anecdotes are about the funniest thing going right now. Unless you'd prefer that I talked about the nonsensical reorganization my company just went through . . . no? That's what I thought.

So, Foxy has been expanding the list of sounds she hates. At first it was only velcro that would send her out of the room. Now it's basically any sound that is not my voice. For example, she was taking a nap in my room and I started clipping my fingernails. She woke up and quickly went downstairs. The other day I sat down on the couch and peeled open a banana, and she took off. Any sound that remotely suggests a ripping of any kind makes her anxious, especially tape. What's that all about? My mom has a theory that whoever owned her last made her wear a velcro collar and then beat her. I am sticking with my theory of the Mysterious Previous Owner Who Dressed Entirely In Velcro and Beat Her. What other explanation can there be? Have you ever heard of a dog that didn't like the sound of a banana being peeled?

I think I'm going to change her name to Freakshow. Seriously. I've also been wondering if she isn't like just a smidge mentally ill. Just a tiny bit paranoid schizophrenic. A little tetched in the head, if you will.

The other day on Entertainment Tonight I saw something about a pet festival that went on last weekend, with lots of B-List and lower celebrities, and they were spotlighting a pet psychic who was at this thing. They interviewed Tori Spelling (who, incidentally, has a retarded physically-challenged pug named Mimi) about the psychic, and she was like, "We've really been wanting to talk to the psychic, because we have three cats and Mimi won't go near any of them, and we want to know why." And the psychic said, "Well, she's saying she's quite cross with one, because he always takes a swipe at her," and Tori nodded, like, "Ohhhhh. Revelation."

All this to say, I find the notion of a pet psychic to be ridiculous, and yet my dog is so perplexingly quirky that I would almost pay just to hear what the pet psychic would say. Like if I asked her what's up with Foxy and bananas, what could she make up that would sound plausible? Exactly. It would be pure joy to hear whatever she came up with. I think I'm going to find me a nice empty jar, label it 'Pet Psychic Money,' and put it some place where anyone who enters my apartment will see it. How's that for a conversation piece?