The top five shows which may or may not be good but I will never ever watch because of personal biases:

1. Any of the CSI shows. Not having paid attention, aren't there like five of these on now? Regular CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: Kankakee, CSI: Shady Oaks Retirement Center, and the practical joke show, CSI: Just Funnin'. I don't know why, but none of these have ever appealed to me. You can't give me regular old crime and expect me to be interested. I need there to be aliens and government conspiracies, or kick-ass supernatural powers, or at least witty repartee. And I don't think that's too much to ask.

2. King of Queens. I have heard that this is a funny show. I'm sure it is. But, I just don't have a high tolerance for those shows where some dumb galoot is married to a pretty, smart woman he obviously doesn't deserve and yet somehow managed to land (are your ears burning, According to Jim?). I've seen Everybody Loves Raymond a few times. The quota has been filled, thank you.

3. Third Watch. This seems like one of those shows that is always having Very Special Episodes. Also, from the commercials I have the vague impression that main characters are always dying. Speaking of the commercials, they seem like they're intended to be dramatic and compelling, but the only thing I feel compelled to do when I see them is rummage around in my pantry for snacks. I think they did a cross-over with ER once, but all of the crisis-of-the-week's blend together in my mind. Except for the one where Romano got his arm chopped off my a helicopter. That one I will never forget. Hey, maybe I'm not as desensitized as I thought! Cool.

4. The Practice. The ads for this show have never interested me in the least. I couldn't possibly feel more indifferent about a show. The commercials inspire neither hatred nor curiosity in me; I simply absorb them the way I do commercials for anything I don't care about, like Swiffer Wetjets. No, wait--those actually make me think that I should go buy one, because then I wouldn't have to go through the painstaking process of filling a bucket with water and mopping. I care more about Swiffer Wetjets than The Practice. That says it all.

Footnote: I just remembered that Lara Flynn Boyle is on this show. She really creeps me out. She's not just insanely skinny and morbidly plastic surger-ized, she also seems like she might really be insane (remember the tutu?). If Lara is my idea of The Boogieman, then The Practice is like the closet where The Boogieman lives. I guess I'm not as indifferent to this show as I claim to be. Awesome.

5. NYPD Blue. I don't think there's any one particular reason why I have never watched this show. I know a lot of people watch it, and there's been some awards and some critical acclaim. I guess I just never felt the desire to see David Caruso or Dennis Franz in action. And by action, I also mean bare-assed. The addition of Rick(y) Shroeder did not entice me to tune in. The only show I care to see Rick in would be one where he lives in a mansion that has a giant toy train you can ride from room to room, and as far as I know, that is not happening on NYPD Blue. And to be honest, the show just plain looks boring to me. I don't even care enough about it to finish writing this sent

--m